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Fatwa # 122 from England |
Saturday, July 03, 2010 |
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Salaams,
I need help. I want to be able to move on but I can't help dwelling on matters.
I had an arranged marriage. I'm British, husband is Pakistani. We have 2 daughters. Signs were bad from the start. I had to support myself and children. I was always fearful that my husband only married me for a visa and would cheat and indulge in haraam vices.
We have been separated for over 3 years and now he wont communicate at all. He never sees the kids. I know for a fact he smokes drugs and drinks. My daughters nursery teacher saw him in a bar. When challenged with these issues, he was very abusive and has boasted he has cheated.
Family dont seem to care. We are expected to stay alone and we get no help, company or support. My children are sad, they cannot understand why or how could their father reject them.
He won't be a family man at all. He lives in a room in a house with other guys, only 15 mins walk from my home. He refuses to divorce, saying we are already divorced on account of our separation.
I can't stop thinking about this. I feel if I am being driven madby all this. I have a list of his friends numbers. I feel like sending them an anonymous message telling them all about him. I am consumed with thoughts of revenge and bitterness. I don't want to carry on like this.
Please advise.
Jazakallah |
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Wa alaykum Assalaam,
It is extremely disturbing to hear yet another story of abuse by Muslim men. I feel empathy for your and your children.
I can understand how difficult it is to bear all this. As a brother, I would, however advise you to get khul' (separation) from him through court or, ideally from shari'ah court. There is no good in keep dragging on a very delicate relationship. You need to move on. This will be good for you and your daughters.
The one who forgives others mistakes for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will forgive their sins insha Allaah. Please dont consider taking any revenge. This is from shaytaan (devil's) whisper. He will get his punishment on the day of judgement for being unjust and unkind to you. BUT if you forgive him, he might escape that punishment, and you will be rewarded in abundance for bearing the sufferings patiently and forgiven a Muslim. I know this is easy said than done. However, we need to have lofty aspirations.
I pray that Allaah give you strength and patience in this troubled time. Aameen.
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