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Fatwa # 120 from WALES |
Wednesday, June 30, 2010 |
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Salam, I am in desperate need of advice.
I Have been nearly married for four years now.
I got married when i was 18 abroad. I was happy with the marriage and everything was very happy happy at the begining. However a few days before my wedding i received some news about my to be husband, at the time I wasn't familiar with the habits. My parents were having second thought about the marriage.
The wedding invitation was sent out, the venues booked etc. My parents spoke to his parents and were calling the wedding off, but for some reason they were all waiting for my reply.
His father was crying to me on the phone and told me that his sone when to perfrom Umrah and that he is no longer addicted as is healthy. I felt sorry for him and though if i cancell the wedding it would make me look bad as the marriage broke before it started.
Annnyway 3 years and 10 months in, i have sacrificed my career, education, job to even to a point where i have changed incredibly as a person. I'm not as soft spoken as i used to be, and friends and co workers see me as hard skinned and selfish.
I have travelled back and forth to my home country and spent 3 to 6 months at a time.
He tells me he loves me, i have helped him fight through battling his addiction. He now just sits home, curses him mum for ruining his life. All his mum did was force his dad to put him in Rehab but since he come out hes very very rude to his mum.
The list is endless and it has come to a point where i no longer wish to be married to him.
I live with my parents, no body ever beleives i'm married. I don't feel like a wife.
I don't feel protected. Woman get married and are taken care of by their hsubands, shetlered and loved. I feel none. I do not rely on my family and am very independant. I wouldn't say i am happy. But i am at peace and Alhamdulilah god has given me the strength of takking care of myself.
I feel our marriage is a waste of his and my time. He claims he loves me but is not a man of his words. I have threatened to divorce him many times. I rea |
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Wa alaykum Assalaam,
When a husband does not fulfill the obligations he has towards his wife, the wife has the right to ask for annulment of marriage (khul'). You have all the reasons for it. It should ideally be done with consultation of local Imam and through shariah council. However, if he signs the paper from court, it will be a valid divorce. This is the legal ruling.
From a social angle though, one would like to exhaust all the avenues to reconcile before contemplating divorce or annulment. Khul' or divorce are 'disliked' unless there is no possibility of reconciliation. My advice to you is to arrange a meeting with elders of the family (both sides), raise your concerns and try to come to some agreement with conditions. You should give him a chance in the presence of parents; reasses the situation in 3 months time, if you feel comfortable with this man, fine. If not, get khul' from shariah council, or court.
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