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Fatwa # 124 from united kingdom |
Monday, July 05, 2010 |
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Being a married girl, What are my duties to my parents since i have 2 married brothers!
I have two younger brothers both of them married and one of them settled.
But due to some financial crisis my parents were living with me from 7 months And Alhamdullillah my husband never complained! And beeing hafiz,aalim and faazil he always helped them !
Since my childhood i always had problems with my mother because of her unjust nature with me and my brothers. Then i married and those things seems to be reduced to almost nothing Alhamdullillah i really love my parents and always received them well and with pleasure.Now living together it seems like all the problems came back again.When i talk to my daughter, my mother thinks that i am taunting her when Allah knows that is not true at all, and when explaining,clarifying that i didn't meant to hurt her she never beleives me, since the quarrels and yellings and disrespect wich i never ever wanted to do it,Allah knows that i never wanted to disrespect her or hurt her, and many issues like that for wich she suddenly stops talking to me and i dont even know whats the matter.I ask her for forgiveness but she's saying she'll never forgive me and will never come to my house again and nor she want me to go to her house.
She keeps telling me that the mother in islam have such and such rights, and it's a big sin to cut relations, and all that, but where is islam when it comes to her, i always heard from her that Allah likes the forgivers, why is she doing this to me..afterall i am her daughter!!
There were many things that i disliked about her but i didn't even show her that i was not happy with some of her attitudes towards me and my children..and like this i was living for 6 months always worried and in tension that i dont know what might hurt her.. but i wasn't complaining because after all she's my mother.But now my husband knows all the problems and to avoid problems in front of my children, we told them (to my parents) that we are going to arrange for another house but |
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Wa alaykum Assalaam,
I feel empathy for your current dilemma and pray that Allaah provides with with a good reward in both worlds, aameen.
It is clear to you that the mother has the most right over the children. One is not even allowed to say 'uff' to them, let alone showing disrespect, using harsh and foul language or rebuking them. Even if the parents are harsh, one is not allowed to show any sign of dishonour at all.
Remain kind to your mother without any expectation of them being kind to you. You want your reward in the life hereafter. Do as much as possible. Visit her regularly, send gifts and show your deep love and reverence for her. Insha Allaah she will appreciate and return it in the best possible way. But it takes a lot of patience! The fire of anger is put out by the water of love: respond to her harshness with love, and soon you will find things changing.
Your husband is not supposed to cater for necessities of your mother. He is right that it is your brother's responsibility to support and provide for her. If you have your personal savings, you are also obliged to contribute towards her basic needs.
Above all, it is the time when slaves should turn to Allaah earnestly with a sense of poverty , total dependence and need with great hope.
Trust Allaah and be dutiful and things will turn the corner insha Allaah.
wassalaamu alaykum
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